on monday i had the shock of the month, the year perhaps. i bumped into my sec1 classmate in camp. he was dressed in civilian clothes. so that meant he was newly posted in and had yet to receive his uniform. so i went up to him and hey but he wasn't too excited like i was.

Me: hey, what u doing here?
friend: i just enlisted this month.
Me: oh so u PES E just finished the 1-week bmt la?
friend: no im excused from bmt. pes E1L9. im a 302
Me: what's a 302?
friend: that's the term given to homosexuals and transsexuals. dunno how they found out. maybe cos last time i kena caught at changi village sucking someone's cock. or cos or my psychiatrist's reports.

i thought he was talking cock at first. but it soon dawned on me he was dead serious. he told me he was going to have a sex change op in bangkok after NS and was currently on female hormones. i just listened with eyes wide open, mouth slightly gaping. it was like wow he was damn open abt it. even when we haven't met for years. but he was telling me everything. he went on about how he was a prostitute for a while and dropped out of jc cos of the problem. and how his pastor told him to just choose the lesser of 2 evils. and he went back to our secondary sch with his cca mates last year, dressed as a woman, long hair, mini skirt and all. they were accepting of him though. he let on he's had the problem since sec2, and went to a psychiatrist. tried to have girlfriends. but just couldn't have feelings for girls.

it made me feel sad. i told him that he was really brave. everytime i see a trannie in changi village, i'll be like eeee. but now when one of them is your friend,you start to reflect. its beyond their control. their bodies are just wired that way. its no fault of theirs. when they break out of their male shell, naturally and unfairly we humans stigmatize them. well i intend to be the opposite of tt. talk to him in camp. and still be his friend.

and i've another friend with whom i had a hearty chat on the phone with for one hour last week. she has an auto-immune illness. meaning ur immune system attacks ur healthy cells (like AIDS, for example). in her case the cellls being destroyed are her hair. its a rare illness so there's no known cure to it. so she has to wear a wig around. and wait for the illness to go away by itself one fine day. she was sad for an entire year. but she has since learnt to love herself, and adopted an optimistic outlook and is sanguine abt the future.

i really feel inspired by them. in spite of having problems that are beyond their control, they still find the strength to get on with life. and there's always the danger of being stared at or worse, discriminated when their problem is revealed. i just feel lucky to be normal. and determined to achieve in life. first up...win with safsa.